Do you like what you read? Want to be kept up-to-date on when I post?
Become a follower. Click on the "Follow This Blog" box at the top right hand corner of the page here, and sign up to be a follower, publicly or privately. You wil lbe notified whenever I post a new article. Thanks for reading!
Friday, October 31, 2008
Conversations with My Children
You might have noticed my absence the last few months. Turns out it's difficult to write when the kids are out of school. Of course, me being me (unrealistically optimistic, or a "Fruitbasket," as my husband affectionately calls it), last June I envisioned us all sitting around and democratically agreeing when it was time for fun together, and when it was time for Mommy to go work on her computer. The kids were very willing to let me go work on my computer....just not during the day. Or when they were awake. Or....well. Reality intruded, as it always does, and I found myself cracking open my laptop at around 10 p.m. every night only to fall asleep over my own words (not a great ego-booster, let me tell you).
So, I'm working on getting back into the posting groove. I even have a rough draft on Word right now. And I will get to it in the next few days. I will! But for now, I thought I'd share with you a couple of the many fabulous, eye-opening, intelligent and often hilarious conversations my kids and I had this summer. It was a fabulous summer--it really was.
In the car, out on a Sunday drive, noticing all the pretty churches....we don't go to church. Not for any particular reason, other then I don't want to spend our sometimes only day all together listening to someone else talk while my kids spend an hour being babysat by other people and given information I don't necessarily agree with. But I DO like to say things, sometimes, just to see what response I'll get.
Me: Look at that church! Maybe we should start going to church.
Liam: NO!
Autumn: What do you do at church?
Me: We go and listen to people talk about life and living.
Autumn: What TV shows do they have there?
Liam begins giggling.
Me: Oh, you don't watch TV there, sweety. Not usually.
Autumn: What movies do they show? Do they watch Cinderella?
Liam's giggles blow up into full fledged laughter.
Frank is silent in the driver's seat, but his smile tells me he enjoys watching me step into my own mud puddles as much as I enjoy doing it, although probably for different reasons.
Me: You normally don't watch movies at church, sweety.
Frank: At least not the kind of movies you're thinking of.
Liam is still laughing.
Autumn: Can you shop there?
Me: At church?
Autumn: Is it like a mall?
Me: Nooooo....you know the Bible? And when we talk about Jesus and God?
Autumn: Like at Christmas?
Me: Yep. That's what you do at church: talk about Jesus and God and how to be a good person.
Autumn: But are there churches in malls?
Me: Nooooo....
Liam is about to have an aneurysm he is laughing so hard.
Frank: No, but that's a good idea, baby girl. Churches in malls.....
Me: No, church isn't really about TV or movies or shopping, sweety.
Autumn: Well, then, no thanks. I don't think I really want to go.
Another conversation in the car--many of our best talks take place in the car, probably b/c no one has to meet anyone's eyes. On this occasion, we were coming back from a large meal, and Autumn was sticking out her belly to express how incredibly fat she was.
Liam: "Autumn, you are SO fat you might be having a baby!"
Autumn: Ooohhh, a baby! Here comes a baby, squeezing out my belly button!
Liam: Ooooohhh your belly button is gonna' pop open with that baby!
Shrieks and squeals and laughing chatter about babies coming out of belly buttons and suddenly it turns to ME squeezing them out of my belly button. Partly because I do believe in teachable moments, and partly because I believed babies DID come out of belly buttons until I was twelve and the truth was a shocker, and partly just because I like to say things (see above), I said,
"Actually, babies don't come out of belly buttons. They come out of a woman's vagina."
Dead silence. Frank, again in the driver's seat, rolls his eyes and smirks.
Liam, in a small voice: You mean the hoo-hah?
Me: Yes, but you know the hoo-hah's real name is vagina.
Autumn: We don't like that name.
Liam: Yeah
Me: Yeah, I don't either, really.
More silence.
Liam: So, the mom squeezes out the baby from where she pees?
Autumn: Ewww.
Me: Not exactly. Girls have two holes in their vagina. One for peeing, and one for pushing out babies.
Autumn, wide-eyed, looks at her brother and then bends at her waist, trying as much as possible while still in car seat to examine herself through here clothes.
Liam: Isn't it a little....small? To squeeze out a baby?
Autumn: Mine is DEFINITELY not big enough for a baby.
Me: The special hole gets bigger to accommodate the baby.
More silence. I can see the wheels spinning in their heads, and I gear up, realizing I've stepping into a gold mine of questions along this line--as in, "How does the baby get IN there?" But there is only silence in the back seat. They look back and forth at each other and to Autumn's "hoo-hah" area with wide-eyes.
Liam: But you said you didn't have us that way.
Me: No, I had to have a c-section with both of you. You were both too large for me to deliver vaginally. That's what it's called--vaginal birth. Most women give birth vaginally.
Autumn: By their hoo-hah?
Me: By their hoo-hah, yes.
Liam, finally snapping out of his trance, shaking his head: And once again, I am SO glad I am NOT a girl.
Autumn: I don't think I will EVER have a baby. You can have a baby, Liam.
Liam: Autumn, I am a boy. I do NOT have a hoo-hah to squeeze out a baby.
Autumn, who has an innate sense of the facts of life more so then her brother: Well, you can go get a woman and have a baby with her, Brother, because I am NEVER doing that.
Liam: As long as I don't have to watch her squeeze that baby out....
So, I'm working on getting back into the posting groove. I even have a rough draft on Word right now. And I will get to it in the next few days. I will! But for now, I thought I'd share with you a couple of the many fabulous, eye-opening, intelligent and often hilarious conversations my kids and I had this summer. It was a fabulous summer--it really was.
In the car, out on a Sunday drive, noticing all the pretty churches....we don't go to church. Not for any particular reason, other then I don't want to spend our sometimes only day all together listening to someone else talk while my kids spend an hour being babysat by other people and given information I don't necessarily agree with. But I DO like to say things, sometimes, just to see what response I'll get.
Me: Look at that church! Maybe we should start going to church.
Liam: NO!
Autumn: What do you do at church?
Me: We go and listen to people talk about life and living.
Autumn: What TV shows do they have there?
Liam begins giggling.
Me: Oh, you don't watch TV there, sweety. Not usually.
Autumn: What movies do they show? Do they watch Cinderella?
Liam's giggles blow up into full fledged laughter.
Frank is silent in the driver's seat, but his smile tells me he enjoys watching me step into my own mud puddles as much as I enjoy doing it, although probably for different reasons.
Me: You normally don't watch movies at church, sweety.
Frank: At least not the kind of movies you're thinking of.
Liam is still laughing.
Autumn: Can you shop there?
Me: At church?
Autumn: Is it like a mall?
Me: Nooooo....you know the Bible? And when we talk about Jesus and God?
Autumn: Like at Christmas?
Me: Yep. That's what you do at church: talk about Jesus and God and how to be a good person.
Autumn: But are there churches in malls?
Me: Nooooo....
Liam is about to have an aneurysm he is laughing so hard.
Frank: No, but that's a good idea, baby girl. Churches in malls.....
Me: No, church isn't really about TV or movies or shopping, sweety.
Autumn: Well, then, no thanks. I don't think I really want to go.
Another conversation in the car--many of our best talks take place in the car, probably b/c no one has to meet anyone's eyes. On this occasion, we were coming back from a large meal, and Autumn was sticking out her belly to express how incredibly fat she was.
Liam: "Autumn, you are SO fat you might be having a baby!"
Autumn: Ooohhh, a baby! Here comes a baby, squeezing out my belly button!
Liam: Ooooohhh your belly button is gonna' pop open with that baby!
Shrieks and squeals and laughing chatter about babies coming out of belly buttons and suddenly it turns to ME squeezing them out of my belly button. Partly because I do believe in teachable moments, and partly because I believed babies DID come out of belly buttons until I was twelve and the truth was a shocker, and partly just because I like to say things (see above), I said,
"Actually, babies don't come out of belly buttons. They come out of a woman's vagina."
Dead silence. Frank, again in the driver's seat, rolls his eyes and smirks.
Liam, in a small voice: You mean the hoo-hah?
Me: Yes, but you know the hoo-hah's real name is vagina.
Autumn: We don't like that name.
Liam: Yeah
Me: Yeah, I don't either, really.
More silence.
Liam: So, the mom squeezes out the baby from where she pees?
Autumn: Ewww.
Me: Not exactly. Girls have two holes in their vagina. One for peeing, and one for pushing out babies.
Autumn, wide-eyed, looks at her brother and then bends at her waist, trying as much as possible while still in car seat to examine herself through here clothes.
Liam: Isn't it a little....small? To squeeze out a baby?
Autumn: Mine is DEFINITELY not big enough for a baby.
Me: The special hole gets bigger to accommodate the baby.
More silence. I can see the wheels spinning in their heads, and I gear up, realizing I've stepping into a gold mine of questions along this line--as in, "How does the baby get IN there?" But there is only silence in the back seat. They look back and forth at each other and to Autumn's "hoo-hah" area with wide-eyes.
Liam: But you said you didn't have us that way.
Me: No, I had to have a c-section with both of you. You were both too large for me to deliver vaginally. That's what it's called--vaginal birth. Most women give birth vaginally.
Autumn: By their hoo-hah?
Me: By their hoo-hah, yes.
Liam, finally snapping out of his trance, shaking his head: And once again, I am SO glad I am NOT a girl.
Autumn: I don't think I will EVER have a baby. You can have a baby, Liam.
Liam: Autumn, I am a boy. I do NOT have a hoo-hah to squeeze out a baby.
Autumn, who has an innate sense of the facts of life more so then her brother: Well, you can go get a woman and have a baby with her, Brother, because I am NEVER doing that.
Liam: As long as I don't have to watch her squeeze that baby out....
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)